Hanging a Door in 3 Easy Steps!

It seems like I've been posting exclusively about doors for about 2 months now. Well, loyal readers, I can proudly say that we have a new door on the upstairs bathroom! On Saturday, Max stayed all day at his Nanni's, so Kendra and I took that opportunity to knock out a bunch of home improvement projects, including the new bathroom door. Here's a step-by-step in case any of you are contemplating a similar project.

Step 1: After realizing that there is a 3-inch-gap between the existing bathroom door and the floor (no joke), and realizing that the existing bathroom door is originally from the hall closet, remove the existing bathroom door and hang it on the hall closet (now a laundry room).

Step 1(a): Okay, then you need to find a door to put on the upstairs bathroom. There are a ton of old doors hanging around, surely one of those will fit, right?

Step 1(a)(i): Nope, none of the other doors seem to fit. They are either too short or too long.

Step 1(a)(ii): After measuring every "spare" door in the house twice, locate a door that seems to be the proper dimensions. Since it is from an old closet, you can probably just live without the door on the closet until you buy a new door many years in the future. Pause and admire your resourcefulness.

Step 1(b): Haul replacement door upstairs to the bathroom. realize that you don't have the proper hinges to install on the frame, so steal hinges from another closet door that is rarely used.

Step 1(c): Hang replacement door in bathroom door frame. Swing door closed, and realize that the replacement door is about 1/4" too wide for the frame, so the door will not close.

Step 1(c)(i): Argue with your wife, since she is the primary user of the upstairs bathroom, and now doesn't have the ability to close the door. Blame it on someone/thing else. Do not admit fault under any circumstances.

Step 1(c)(ii): Proclaim that you will fix the problem as soon as possible. Consider nominating yourself for husband of the year.

Step 2: Two weeks later, measure door frame for trip to Lowe's to buy new door. Rather than take the written measurements with you to Lowe's, just remember that you need a 32" door.

Step 2(a): Once you get to Lowe's, remember that your door frame is an odd measurement and that your door will accordingly need to be cut. Realize that Lowe's will cut the door for you and save you the trouble. Remember that you left the precise measurements at home.

Step 2(a)(i): Call your wife and have her measure the doorway. Make sure, though, that you have the good tape measure with you, so that your wife has to use a seamstress's tape measure. Tell her to measure inside the frame, and let you know the smallest measurement.

Step 2(a)(ii): When you call your wife, make sure you call her when she already has her hands full dealing with your 14-month-old son. This will make her very happy.

Step 2(b): Have Lowe's cut your door according to the measurements relayed from your wife.

Step 2(b)(i): Prime and paint the door (or, talk your wife into doing it).

Step 2(c): Carry the door upstairs to place it in the door way and make sure it fits.

Step 2(c)(i): The f***ing door doesn't fit.

Step 2(c)(ii): Argue with your wife over whose fault it is that the door doesn't fit. Do not admit fault under any circumstances.

Step 2(c)(iii): Realize that when you told your wife to let you know the smallest measurement, she did exactly as you asked and measured between the stops on the inside of the frame, making the door 1/2" too narrow.

Step 2(d): For probably the 10th time, MEASURE THE INSIDE OF THE DOOR FRAME. For probably the 11th time, MEASURE THE INSIDE OF THE DOOR FRAME. Go to Lowe's with the measurements, have them cut a new door, and bring it home.

Step 2(d)(i): Prime and paint the new door.

Step 3: Block out the whole day to plan for the install of the door.

Step 3(a): Place the new door in the frame; it appears to fit. Measure the location of the hinge mortises on the frame, and mark the corresponding locations on the door.

Step 3(a)(i): Chisel the mortises into the door.

Step 3(a)(ii): Realize that you chiseled on the inside of the door, but the hinges attach on the outside. Go ahead and chisel mortises all the way across the side of the door.

Step 3(b): Attach hinges, and hang the door. Hold your breath as you close the door. Exhale in relief when the door fits perfectly.

Step 3(c): Install an old rim lock and doorknob on the door.

Step 3(c)(i): Mark the location on the frame where the catch for the rim lock will need to be installed. Cut out the notch in the frame, and attach the catch with screws.

Step 3(c)(i)(A): Close the door, and realize that the catch sticks out JUST enough so that the door won't close properly. Consider arson as a viable home improvement option.

Step 3(c)(i)(B): Remove the catch, and shave off a bit more of the frame so that the catch and lock work properly.

Step 3(c)(ii): Use wood filler in the old screw holes used for attaching the catch.

Step 3(c)(iii): Wait for two hours for the wood filler to dry.

Step 3(c)(iv): Install catch with two screws.

Step 3(d): Swing door closed, and listen with relief when you hear that beautiful "click." Consider yourself a poor man's Bob Vila.

And that's it! Remember, with just three potential replacement doors, one month's time, the purchase of several new tools, no fewer than two domestic disputes, and about a dozen man-hours, you too can install a new door into an existing frame. It really is as easy as it sounds!